Episode 6 – Review Me Like You Mean It
Okay, okay—picture this. You’re looking for a place to eat, right? You’re starving, like “I could eat my own foot” hungry. You pull up Google, and you see two pizza joints. One has five stars and people raving like it’s the second coming of pizza. The other? One lonely two-star review that says… “The crust tasted like cardboard and regret.”
Ohhh noooo, cardboard and regret! That’s a hard pass! Haha!
Right?! I don’t care how close that second one is—I’m walking the extra blocks for that first one. That, my friend, is the power of reviews. Welcome to today’s episode where we’re turning those digital love letters—or horror stories—into your business’s biggest superpower.
I mean, reviews are the internet’s version of….. “psst, come here, I got a tip.”
Right. welcome back to Google Business Profile Optimization with Rankpast Digital. We’re your not-so-boring guides showing you how to show up first on Google without spending your weekends learning SEO.
I’m already in.
Where do I sign? Haha!
I’m Kai, your favourite sarcastic hype person who thinks local SEO is sexy.
And I’m Aileen – the one who laughs at every joke—even the bad ones.
And today we’re diving into reviews: how to get them, respond to them, and make them work harder than a barista during pumpkin spice season.
So buckle up, sip that overpriced latte, and let’s make your reviews shine like a diamond in a Google search.
Sparkly, caffeinated SEO power. Let’s go!
So reviews… they’re kinda like Wi-Fi. You don’t always see it, but oh man, when it’s not there? You feel it.
YES! And honestly, I’d rather have no napkins than no Wi-Fi. And that’s saying something.
Reviews are the digital version of word-of-mouth. Remember when your aunt used to tell you where to get the best dry ribs in town?
Now it’s Google—and your Aunt Margie is just writing a review instead.
Yeah, and Aunt Margie doesn’t hold back either. Five paragraphs on her pedicure experience. Iconic.
And it’s not just for funsies—87% of people are out here reading reviews like they’re deciphering ancient scrolls. It’s basically customer behavior one -oh-one.
That’s more than read the actual product description! Like, “I don’t care what it’s made of, but tell me what Cheryl from Winnipeg thought.”
Google loves them too. Reviews are like gold stars on your homework. They tell Google, “Hey! This biz knows what it’s doing!” And Google’s like, “Cool cool cool, let’s show you off then.”
It’s like a popularity contest, but with fewer cheerleaders and more pizza joints.
Picture this—you’re looking for a dentist. One has 4.9 stars and people writing sonnets about their pain-free root canals. The other one? Just a lonely review saying, “The drill slipped.”
Uhhh yeah, I don’t need my teeth turning into a Saw movie. Pass!
Okay, let’s get to the good stuff—how do you get more reviews without begging like you’re trying to sign people up for a CD club in 1998?
Ohhh, 12 CDs for a penny… and a lifetime of regret! Been there.
Step one: Make it stupid easy. Like, easier-than-opening-a-bag-of-chips easy. Share that direct link, baby!
Put it in your emails, your texts, your social posts—heck, tattoo it on your forehead if you have to…(no, not really!)
Honestly, the number of businesses that make me go on a scavenger hunt just to leave a review? It’s like, “Am I earning a badge or just trying to say ‘you were great’?!”
Exactly! Example time—”Loved your service? Click here and make our day!” Boom. Done. Reviewed. Mic drop.
Chef’s kiss. Simple, polite, and very clickable.
Step two: In-store nudges. We’re talkin’ signs near the door that say, “Enjoyed your visit? Tell Google all about it!” Or receipts with a QR code and a lil’ message like, “Scan me like a menu. Leave a review like a legend.”
Okay that’s actually genius. I’d scan that just for the confidence boost.
Right? It’s all about catching them in the moment when they’re feelin’ good. Speaking of timing…
Ohhh yes. Timing is everything. Like you wouldn’t propose marriage right after someone dropped their ice cream cone, y’know?
Exactly! Ask for that review when the customer is at peak happiness—after dessert, post-haircut, when the leak is finally fixed and the bathroom isn’t an indoor pool anymore.
“If you loved the lava cake, let the internet know.” I would review mid-bite. With chocolate still on my face.
And if you wanna go the extra mile? Offer a little thank-you. Not a bribe. You don’t want to sound like, “Five stars or the puppy gets it.”
That means you can’t ask your customers to leave a review…in exchange…for, well, anything. You just need to make it easy for them to leave a review, and not incentivize anyone.
Exactly. Sweet, simple, and very much allowed—just make it super simple for people to leave reviews. Well, and obviously be awesome at what you do and always put the customer first!
We do love an ethical review hustle.
And finally—don’t do it all manually, people. Use tools! BrightLocal, Birdeye, Yext… they’re like your digital assistants with no coffee addiction or sick days. And of course, Rankpast Digital is always here to help you to the top of Google! Just shoot them an email at [email protected]
Oooo, I love that. Just little software butlers out here saying, “Would you like me to request a review, madam?”
Yes, Jeeves. Yes, I would.
Alright, so you’ve got the reviews coming in—like compliments after a good hair day—but what now? You gotta respond, baby.
The review convo is only half the story. The reply is your chance to be charming, helpful, or just plain human.
Stats don’t lie—97% of people read responses to reviews. Some are just here for the drama, but others? They’re deciding if you’re worth their time.
It’s like review reality TV. And you do not wanna be the villain edit.
Exactly. Responding shows you care more than a golden retriever at a welcome-home party.
Let’s start with the happy ones—positive reviews.
Awww yeah, those are the fun ones. The digital hugs.
Step one: Acknowledge! Say thanks. “Thanks, Sarah! We’re thrilled you loved our handmade pasta!”
Make sure you mention the product/service because keywords matter in reviews!
Add a lil’ flavor—“Our patio is the best during summer—so glad you enjoyed it!” Makes it personal.
Then invite them back! “Come back soon—our seasonal menu launches next week!” Don’t let it be a one-time fling. Turn it into a full-blown loyal customer love story.
Like “When Harry Met Salads.” Yes please.
Now… let’s talk about the spicy ones. The negative reviews. Deep breath. No caps lock. No sarcasm. No unleashing your inner internet troll.
Ooof, I’ve seen those. Full rants in all caps. “YOU WERE A HORRIBLE CUSTOMER!!!.” Yikes.
Exactly what not to do. Instead, stay chill. Start with: “We’re sorry to hear that and appreciate your feedback.” Simple. Classy. Not defensive.
Then bring the empathy—“We understand how frustrating that delay must’ve been.” Because you can’t just leave a robotic one-liner, saying “sorry, thanks”. Do that and it might just summon negative 1-star enthusiasts.
Right? Then offer a way to fix it: “We’d love to make it right. Call us at “number” or email us at “email.” Don’t just say “Sorry”—do something!!!
And please, please, for the love of SEO, don’t use the same copy/paste robot reply for every review. DON’T DO IT!!
“Have a nice day.” Ugh. Is that a review response or an airline announcement?
“Please place your feedback in the upright and locked position.” No thank you.
Alright, now let’s say your reviews are looking good. You’ve got the digital love. What do you do? You market that magic, baby!
Oooooh yeah, it’s time to flex – see these pipes?
HUGE! Start with your website. Build a Wall of Fame. Show off those glowing reviews like they’re Grammy awards: FIVE STARS! – Best massage ever!” Front and center.
And don’t stop there—get social next.
Hit the socials. Take those reviews, dress them up in Canva, and post them with flair. Add a lil’ sparkle. Like, “FIVE STARS!” or “Best tacos in town!” Boom!! – Engagement.
Tag it #CustomerLove, throw in a taco GIF, and just wait for the digital high-fives to roll in.
And let’s not forget email. Pop a “Review of the Month” in your newsletter. It’s fun, it’s easy, and it makes people think, “Dang, I wanna be featured too.”
Especially if it’s about something delicious. Suddenly I’m reading your email and ordering takeout.
And if you’re running ads—use reviews! If Carla from your post says your tacos are life-changing, let Carla do the talking. “Don’t take our word for it—take Carla’s.”
It’s like a trust shortcut. And way better than stock photo “Guy Holding Salad”.
And hey—when you hit milestones? Brag a little! 500 reviews? 4.9 stars? Say it loud. “Thanks for helping us hit 500 reviews! We’re doing a happy dance—with extra guac.”
I’d like that post and go get tacos too…with extra guac! You’ve basically hacked my brain.
That’s the idea. Show up. Show off. Share the love. Repeat.
Now, let’s talk about keeping all this under control—review management tools.
Because you can only do so much before your eyeballs start twitching.
Preach! I tried managing reviews manually once… I aged six years in a week.
Where, oh where, could a local business get help with something like that? Any ideas?
As a matter of fact!…..
Enter: Rankpast Digital.
Did you know they were actually a review management platform before they became a full-fledged digital marketing company?
No kidding! And look at them now…teaching the world how to beat out the crowd and rank at the top of Google.
Alright—let’s hit those takeaways before our listeners fall into a review-induced trance.
Hit me with that glittery summary!
One: Make leaving a review easier than microwaving popcorn.
Two: Respond to every review like it’s a message from your future customer. Because it kinda is.
Three: Use reviews in your marketing like customer-supplied glitter. Sprinkle it everywhere.
Four: Automate with tools so your brain doesn’t melt like a popsicle in July.
Whew! We covered a lot today. If you’re still with us, congrats—you just leveled up your local SEO game.
And if this episode helped—or made you laugh-snort even once…
Go search Rankpast on Google and leave us a review. Yes, we are absolutely practicing what we preach.
Or tag us on socials, tell your friends, shout us out at your next staff meeting—we don’t mind. Also, check out rankpast.com/gbp to download all the episodes, with transcripts and checklists and more.
Until next time—optimize like a legend, and remember: even a five-star biz starts with one solid review.
Now go be awesome—and maybe leave us a review while you’re at it.
